Hey kids! How has your summer been going!?
Mines been great! I've already blown 7 guys this week! Sure, I had to wear a bag over my head, but I still feel special.
Today was a pain though! I was getting ready to get up and go to wal-mart which normally takes about 2 hours and several moving men. Suddenly, my care keys fell out of my massive hand and landed in one of my fat rolls! I had to send 17 small children in with air tanks to get them back and after about 30 minutes I got them back. The kids who found them got a dollar, but the rest of them I ate, to show them that i DO NOT tolerate failure, kind of like all my students.
So after I got my keys, I attempted to walk to my car. The major chafing between my legs started to bleed and I almost passed out from blood loss. Luckily, the fat produced a barrier that prevented blood from flowing to that area. When I finally got to my car, I had to be lifted in by a crane. As I sat down, all of my tires popped and I almost had my 78th heart attack (that week). With the massive exaustion from all of this activity I took a short 2 hour nap in my car.
When I awoke I pulled out of the driveway with the metal rims of my car scraping the ground. Many would think it bad that I tear up the street, but it also creates a small river to provide water to the slave children that I keep in a cage until I need them to explore my fat rolls. Sometimes I also use this water for irrigation to grow my candy corn that I have to use in place of my long gone teeth.
When I finally got to walmart, I was pointed at by small children for what seemed like hours.
"Mommo, mommy! Look! It's a fat ass!"
It was actually hours though, since the parking lot was way too far for me to walk. I ended up rolling the rest of the way.
When I finally entered the store i coul barely resist the orgasmic temptation to cover myself in mayonaise and roll around in the cereal section until I pass out, which would be around 5 minuted considering the massive amount of physical activity.
I almost creamed my pants when I saw the bakery. The sweet, sweet filling and icings were enough to kill me! Somewhere deep inside me I found the energy of 100 fat asses and jumped over the counter so I could steal the food.
Unfortunatley, my unbearable weight killed 5 innocent babies on impact and pressed in my stomach causing a massive fart, annihilating the entire population of the store. I was arrested and taken to jail for the night.
They eventually let me go though, after they realized that the jail house could not hold me and that no prison car could transport that much weight. The decided that i would not be able to me enough to cause much damage for now on anyway.
Bye bye kids, and thanks for reading my xanga! Leave good comments!!! |